Revision from Draft #1

The main source I took for revising my draft came from what comments I received from posting my rough draft in my previous post.  I took the constructive criticism into real consideration, and thought about what I needed to change in my essay.  The revisions I made were to explain how and where I found my articles.  I thought this was a good point because my readers will want to know how I found each article.  If I was reading someone else's essay, I would want to know all the details of finding the articles.  In the beginning of each paragraph, I put how I found my articles, where I found my articles, and why I chose those certain articles.  The next revision I made had to do with the details of my major.  I wanted to add details in explaining what exact kind of technology I wanted to talk about.  I explained my major more, and exactly what I wanted to do in the future.  The reason I made these changes is because I want the reader and audience to be more involved in the reading.  The last thing I want the reader to be is bored starting at the opening paragraph.  I made sure this wouldn't happen and explained the reasoning for my summarization technique.  I believe this was a helpful assignment in improving our research skills as well.  I made this visible by adding it in with my conclusion.  I believe this is important to let the reader know that you enjoyed writing what you did.